Life Is (Always) Good

I am a survivor. Through the grace of God and a bit of my own self-determination I have been delivered from some bad situations. Most recently I am a stroke survivor, having had two mini-strokes in December of 2009. Not knowing the signs of stroke caused me to dismiss the first one as a case of dehydration, but there was no mistaking the second. I lost control of my right arm and had no sensation in it for several hours. My speech was slurred and I had a blinding headache. Cat scan and MRI revealed the evidence of what had happened and other procedures found the cause to be a hole in the back of my heart that was just large enough to allow blood to pool and clot. I was lucky. The permanent damage is minimal and the condition is treatable, but the effect on my life has been huge.

My first thought when I lost the use of my arm was, "How am I going to fit this into my life?" It wasn't, "Why is this happening to me?" I immediately went into survival mode and mentally made plans to live with a paralyzed arm. My mama's motto is "get over it" and she can't tolerate anyone who chooses to languish in misery if there is something they can do about it. I guess some of that rubbed off, because as terrified as I was I didn't get to the self-pity stage or even experience the depression that is common after stroke. I experienced fear because my dad has had several strokes and has been severely debilitated by them and I am a single parent. My children and their welfare were my biggest concerns.

I now live with a shark in the water. That can be a source of great anxiety if I let it, but my doctors have assured me that I am on the best stroke prevention medication protocol currently available and that, combined with a reduced-stress liefestyle, should allow me to live stroke-free for the rest of my days. There it is....reduced-stress lifestyle. I had a teenager and a pre-schooler and was single-handedly managing a household while working full-time and they were telling me to reduce stress. Oh, boy. Something had to give. I couldn't give away my kids, marriage wasn't happening and I had to work full-time. The only changes I could make immediately were on the inside.

When tragedy struck my heart called out and people came running. Dear friends stayed with me in the hospital while my mom and others managed my children. Even after I got home, people were still diligently checking on me and taking care of things so I could recover and life could return to normal. A new kind of normal. The love and concern that had been showered on me and the kids was amazing. We go through life interacting with others regularly but often don't have any idea how we feel about each other. And we take so much for granted. I had gotten out of the habit of counting my blessings each day. I have so much to be thankful for and this medical emergency was a big fat reminder of it. The first step in my stress-reduction program was to acknowledge all that I had to live for.

Living a grateful life is not hard and by its nature will reduce stress. When we acknowledge all the good things we already have, we are less inclined to worry too much about having more. More things, more associates, more activity, more status and a myriad of other pseudo-blessings that our culture and media tell us we should want to have. I already had a wonderful place to live, two healthy children, good relationships with immediate family, close friendships, a little romance and a car that cranked every time. Everything required for happy living. And now I am so grateful for it. I thank God for all of it every day. Since that dark day in December the sunrise reflecting off the cow barn is brighter, the moonlight reflecting off the silo is sweeter and I love that noisy rooster more than ever. I notice more of the little things and let a lot of the bigger things slide. Of course I still get edgy and my daughter says Grouchy is my middle name, but that is a natural reaction to the stresses that still exist, especially at bill-paying time. But I am not chasing my tail trying to keep up with the Joneses...who are they, anyway? I am enjoying my children while I can as I know college isn't that far off and I have begun to resolve things that nag at my spirit. I have become painfully aware of how short our lives really are and that they can end or even turn for the worse without notice. There is no time for the drama on which so much energy gets wasted.

There is a merchandiser called Life Is Good and they have some really cute items depicting the simple pleasures in life. I have one of their bumper stickers somewhere. But I have noticed that a lot of people use the sentiment only to express when things are going their way. Having looked into the abyss of permanent paralysis or even death due to stroke, I am here to tell you that life is always good. Consider the alternative. Situations get bad, but life is always good. We can take something good away from even the most horrible situations if we try. We can find a blessing anywhere if we look for one. We all have bad days and it is tempting to ask if things can get any worse. Yes, yes they can. But with the love of the people in our lives we get through them and life is very good. Always.