Summation

     I have become one of those people who put their coffee in the microwave.  A year ago, I never would have dreamed of doing such a thing since finishing a cup was never an issue.  I made time to enjoy a cuppa joe.  My fondest memories from my trip to Greece involve relaxing with coffee. One memorable cup was enjoyed from a hotel balcony with a view of the Parthenon and later I discovered The Best Cup of Coffee Ever on the island of Patmos.  But lately it seems I have Coffee ADD.  I get so distracted that it is not uncommon for the coffee maker to Auto-Off before I finish my first cup.  My teaching job took a turn for the busier so I have to try to have a cup in the morning, but it is usually cold by the time I get half-way through it.  Then Miss B's In a Jam took off and soared, leaving me in a whirlwind of work, continuing to teach during the day and cook away the night.  I have always been an 8-hour sleeper but have since adjusted to functioning on five and  have even been too busy to be grouchy about that.  In fact, I have had so much going on that I didn't even realize today was the last day of the 2011.
     This has been an incredible year for me because it marked the return of my creative outlet.  I know that sounds weird coming from an art teacher, but art in school had become terribly boring due to lack of program funding.  But a silly little FaceBook project lead to a change in focus and ultimately a change in attitude for me.  In February, I took on the 30-day Photo Challenge in which I was given a daily prompt for a photo in my own collection.  Not one for boring captions, I found myself writing a lot about my photos and found myself dreading Day 30.  When the project ended I really missed writing every day.  I am not good at just writing off the top of my head.  I require inspiration.  I draw the same way, needing photos or physical items to see and illustrate.  After discussing this with my mother, she offered to help me dig out old family photographs so I could write stories about them and preserve the family history for later generations.  My best friend chimed in an offered to share her Ancestry.com account so that I could do the family tree as well.  And with that an obsession was born.  I have connected with family members near and far and gotten photos of relatives I would never have gotten otherwise.
      I began writing my blog again as I found old photographs and learned about the ancestors pictured in them.  Here, I can share the photos and stories with my cousins and others.  In the process of digging through photographs, I also began digging through personal issues that had been stored away for many years.  By writing about these things, I have been forced to deal with the problems I had with my father and Sara's father and purge the emotions associated with them and that has been incredibly liberating for my spirit.  I have surprised myself and a few others with some of the things that have shown up these pages and gained confidence in expressing myself without feeling the need to tiptoe around Mama's feelings or whatever expectations Southern folks have about ladies needing to be seen and not heard.  Lately, if it comes up, it's coming out!
     While writing my way through the summer, my focus shifted to the huge change in my job which has put me in a Pre-K classroom after fifteen years of art.  I have thrived with the four-year-olds and I love my job again!  I get exasperated with modelling good behaviors and redirecting bad ones, but at mid-year I can see that they have learned so much and made lots of developmental progress.  I am proud of myself as well as the kids.  That is a good feeling that was long overdue.
     As late fall arrived, I was settled into the Pre-K groove and began to cook again.  I love making jam and apple butter and that naturally lead to the birth of Miss B's In a Jam.  Miss B's has only been an enterprise for a month, but what a month it has been.  I was blessedly overwhelmed with orders and frequently in tears from exhaustion, but I got over 275 jars made and delivered in time for Christmas.  Throughout the holiday break I have cooked a batch of something almost every day.  I still love it!  That makes me happy because I don't want my hobby to become a job and feel like a task that has to be done.  Right now, Miss B's is restocking the pantry and getting set to go to the Rattlesnake Roundup next month  in Whigham, Georgia.  I am looking forward to seeing what a road trip will bring.
     At the beginning of this year, I was depressed about a relationship that was no longer fulfilling and bored out of my mind at work and home.  I was asking myself,  "Is this really all there is?"  But here at the tail end of the same year, I feel like a different person.  I am inspired by the strength and determination of my ancestors, productive in my job, expressing my creativity in writing and in the kitchen and at peace in my heart having exorcised some emotional demons.  I am busier than I have ever been but am not complaining about much other than how messy the house has gotten.  I could stand for life to go on like this for a while.  Who needs eight hours a night anyway?  I've got lots of coffee.  And a microwave.

Desperate Measures

     I've been broke quite a few times in my life.  That first year after college was grueling as I worked several jobs at once to keep a roof over my head and the car on the road.  It is far too expensive for single folks to live in this country!  I sold aluminum cans for gas money and shared a bowl of mac-n-cheese with my Basset Hound for dinner more than once.  I am not scared of sacrifice or hard work.  I have a good job and while it doesn't pay very well, it does pay for all the needs and some of the wants.  Until this spring, I had a couple of little side jobs doing grant writing and tutoring and that income was the fun money that got us to the movies or the semi-annual haircut.  Without that extra little bit coming in and combined with the current state of economic recession I have been strapped like I haven't experienced since I got my teaching job. A couple of weeks ago I cleaned a friend's kitchen to get groceries for school lunches.  So Christmas for my kids looked bleak to the point that I was about to call it off.  And then I made some toast.

     I began making jelly, jam and apple butter last fall.  I always buy fresh strawberries from a local youth group and freeze them for shortcake topping and fruit smoothies.  But last year I made my first batch of strawberry jam and was so impressed that I tried other things. Throughout the year I have made lots of preserves like mixed fruit jellies, apple butter, salsa and now marmalade.  Just for fun, I entered a few jars in the home agriculture show at the fair and was surprised to have won three first-place ribbons!

     For the past year I have been giving my jars of tasty treats to friends and family just because I can (pun intended.) I love to share and admit that it feels great to be complimented on my culinary skills.  Everything about the jamming process makes me happy, from washing and slicing fresh apples to the ruby red glow of strawberries poured into a hot jar.  And the way my house smells when I make apple butter makes it feel like fall all year.  It is a creative outlet that is literally a feast for all the senses.
     As I sat there last Monday morning, staring glumly at my toast, I opened a fresh jar of my own apple butter.  It has always been one of my favorites, a comfort food you might call it.  I spread it around, admiring its consistency and noting that I had gotten the right balance of spices and brown sugar.  It was pretty, too.  Why, it was actually better than what I used to buy at the supermarket.  Someone should buy it from me.  No, really....someone should buy it from me!  And right there in my kitchen at that moment my hobby turned into a small business.  I was in a jam and had plenty of it to sell, too.  "Miss B's In a Jam" debuted on FaceBook that night and the next day I had orders.

      Being broke serves as a catalyst for change for me because it is the one thing that truly sends me into a depression.  I feel absolutely worthless in every way when I don't have money.  I can't sleep, my blood pressure goes up and I yell more than usual.  And this time it happened right before the holidays.  Something had to give.  My kids hear "no, we can't afford that" all year long so I like to surprise them with something good at Christmas.  I know that material things are not the point of Christmas, but it is tradition and Lord knows I am all about that.  My kids will have something good from Santa and I had to figure out a way to make it happen.
    As I sit here today there are 14 orders waiting to be filled by Monday.  I will be cooking every night this week to fill them and get ahead for orders yet to come in.  I have a wonderful support system that never fails to jump in and help when I call.  My friends have helped to market "Miss B's In a Jam," find places to sell it and design and produce its packaging and my mom is the best juicer ever.  I think this little business will be around for a while and I am so glad of it.  Once again, God has allowed me to survive yet another season.  I wonder what I will preserve from it.